Author: barbaramcox

I am the author of The Step-Father’s Step-Son. The book is available through Family Matters Publishing at www.stepfathersstepson.com and Amazon.com. The book covers subjects such as: adultery, family, relationships, and parenting. The book is written primarily for the first family and the children of the parents of the first family.

Which Family is Best for Our Children – the First or the Step?

Jesus obviously felt that the first family was best for our children when he made the following statement, “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, committeth adultery; and whosoever marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.”(Matthew 19:9)

“The empirical evidence shows that, for the growing child, the happiest and most tranquil family situation is the intact primary marriage.” Patrick F. Fagan, Ph.D. (heritage.org)

What do ordinary Americans know that no one else seems to know?

Ordinary Americans naturally know that their first family is the most important family of all. They naturally love their children and keep their family intact.

According to Patrick Fagan, Ph.D., “Most ordinary Americans do not need to survey social science literature to know that a family life of affection, cohesion, and parental involvement prevents delinquency. In particular, they know almost instinctively that maternal affection, maternal self-confidence, and a father’s esteem for the mother are among the critical elements in raising well-balanced children.”

So if you want healthy children and grandchildren, do not commit adultery against your family or against your future generations! It is just that simple! Thank God that we still have a few intelligent parents! How can we help those that seem to have no natural instinct or intelligence? I have the answer, “Tell them about Jesus’ rules that govern family. They can follow these rules until their intelligence grows enough to understand what love really is. Love isn’t loving the other woman – love is about loving your first family and keeping your family intact!

Abandoned Sons

“A father’s attention to his son has enormous positive effects on a boy’s emotional and social development. But a boy abandoned by his father is deprived of a deep sense of emotional security.”

Don’t be the one that separates a father from his son. If you are a second or third wife, love the first family. Do not live with the child’s father. Our children need their fathers more than you need the child’s father. Save the first family!

Abandoned Mothers

“In normal families a father gives support to his wife, particularly during the period surrounding birth and in the early childhood years when children make heavy demands on her. In popular parlance, he is her “burn-out” prevention. But a single mother does not have that support, and the added emotional and physical stress may result in fatigue and less parent availability to the child, increasing the risk of a relationship with the child that is emotionally more distant. The single mother generally is less able to attend to all of her child’s needs as quickly or as fully as she could if she were well taken care of by a husband. These factors tend to affect the mother’s emotional attachment to her child and in turn reduce the child’s lifelong capacity for emotional attachment for others and empathy for others. Such empathy helps restrain a person from acting against others well-being. Violent criminals obviously lack this. At the extreme, and a more common situation in America’s inner cities, the distant relationship between a mother and child can become an abusing and neglectful relationship. Under such conditions the child is at risk of becoming a psychopath.” (heritage.org) by Patrick F. Fagan, Ph.D., “The Root Cause of Violent Crime: The Breakdown of Marriage, Family, and Community

And so it seems that the father is the one that sets all of this in motion. (Or it could be the mother if she abandons her husband.) He moves on to another woman and abandons his family. This leaves the mother no choice but to go it alone and live a stressful life along with her children or look for another man to replace her straying husband which creates confusion and is very likely to cause harm to her children. Protect your first family! Do not commit adultery!

Family Breakup

Family breakup is only the beginning of family problems. The decision to bring unrelated adults into the family home creates conflict and adds new stresses. “Not surprisingly, the rates of emotional and behavioral problems of children are more than double in step families.” (heritage.org)

Protect your next generation. Don’t destroy your family by making the step-parent and their children your main priority! Love your first family enough to keep it first in your life!